She walked through the trees that
grew thick in this area of the garden. The vivid smells of lush fruits hanging
from the branches of the gentle trees surrounding her were a relaxing reminder
of so many days spent winding in and out of these trees. The ground was soft and
comfortable; her feet remembering times that she had slept beneath these
boughs. She glided a gentle hand across the bark of a nearby tree. She knew
them all so well.
Sun filtered through the highest branches above, giving a brilliant
contrast of light and shadow here between the thickest of the trees. The Thick
was all she and her husband had ever referred to it as. It seemed to hold
little wonder to him but was always a source of curiosity for her. There was so
little mystery in her life...
Every day was so much the same, awakening from the comfortable ground to
walk the length and breadth of the realm that was their home. To spend time
with the animals that dwelt throughout this place, to gather food so that she
and her husband could eat, and to talk with their lord when he would stop in to
see them.
The meeting with their lord was always more of dealing with her husband. She was usually welcome along, but felt somewhat awkward, as though the two of them shared some bond that she was missing.
They wanted for nothing, she and her husband. The land had always
provided everything they could desire, and the animals did keep her company.
Yet there was a lingering emptiness within her, some question she did not know
how to phrase, that she still yearned to have the answer to. Something
incomplete lay within her.
Here in the Thick, she felt that she was closer to that mystery, and it
brought her comfort. The trees did not grow like this anywhere else in their
land. Here she could be alone to contemplate. Who was she, and why was she
here? So many duties had already been placed upon her husband, and he seemed to
know so much that she did not. Had she merely been placed here as an attachment
to him? Did she possess no purpose of her own save in him?
She shook her head, trying to chase away these thoughts, seeing no point
to them. Where would these thoughts lead her, with no answers to be sought?
Lost in thought, she shivered. She suddenly felt colder than she ever had in
her life, with the air becoming colder than the waters of the streams. She
pulled her arms about her, wishing the cold to go away, and no sooner had it
touched her skin than it was gone.
She looked down upon her body to see her skin raised in tiny bumps all
over. A moment of panic washed over her as she beheld this unexpected change in
her body. The change brought no discomfort to her, but the change over her
flesh frightened her. She rushed from the Thick, out into the open sun, its
warmth accepted thankfully by her startled body.
Countless days she spent in the company of her husband and of the
creatures they had come to know. It all seemed to be so absolute. Nothing was
questioned, nothing ever changed. It was all so serene and warm and abundant.
Her life was perfect. Yet it seemed to be missing something, something that
drew her back to that place in the Thick, and its mystery.
The mystery of that place pulled at the corners of her mind, drawing her
to distraction. Unable to take it any longer, she stole from her husband at
midday, heading back to the Thick.
Here in this place, she felt that cool breeze again and felt her skin
rise, but she was prepared for it this time. She walked further onward until
the canopy began to enclose, and the area around her began to darken. She stood
still for some time. Never had she ventured this far out into the Thick. She
had no idea that it continued on this far. She peered into the darkness,
wondering how much farther the trees went.
The air was cooler here. There was no longer a gust of wind, but
everything surrounding her here was cooler. Fear gripped at her deep within.
She had never been this far from her husband, nor from the area with which she
was intimately familiar. She looked down to see her feet
surrounded by dirt and looked back
to see that the grass had edged out from beneath her feet, leaving her standing
upon dirt.
She moved her toes about and looked down, seeing that they were dirty.
She smiled slightly and looked toward the darkness beyond her and continued on,
her desire to know stronger than the fear that would hold her back.
At last she came to a place where the trees had grown thicker and their
branches lower, until at last they ended at a flat barrier of brambles, tree
trunks, and vines.
So this was it? This was the mystery of the Thick? That it ended in this
cold dark place. She did not know what else she had expected to find here, but
she found herself disappointed nonetheless. She stared at the barrier sullenly
for a long moment, mourning the end of her adventure, and the inevitable trek
back to the known.
She turned back toward home, seeing the trees growing outward from where
she stood as though it were an enormous cone leading to the sunlight. It looked
so inviting from here, seeing how the edge of the dirt gave way to green grass
that grew thicker until it reached its fullness beneath the sunlight.
She took a deep breath and stepped forward, back toward home, when she
stopped suddenly. She looked at the sunlight and the angle with which it seemed
to filter into the trees. She saw the trees and the horizontal funnel that they
seemed to form. She stepped aside and looked
over her shoulder, imagining the
very point where all of it must converge, and there she saw it.
Tiny and easily overlooked, but unmistakable all the same, was a hole in
the barrier of brambles. There was something beyond it, but she could not make
it out. She walked closer and stooped before the opening and peered through it.
Beyond she could see a barren plain that seemed to stretch out forever and a
grey sky paling in the horizon. She saw a stark, hard surface so unlike the
lands with which she had always been familiar.
She pushed her hands forward and felt a bend to the brambles. She placed
her hands at the hole and pulled, but the brambles held wound together. She
began pulling at the vines, releasing the branches, and breaking the brambles.
At last she had wrenched free enough of the barrier to pass through. As she
pulled herself through, she could feel the coarseness of the barrier tug and
pull at her skin. It hurt as it scraped, but once she was beyond its reach, she
looked down to see that there was no lasting effect.
Standing, her curious eyes cast first over where she had just come from,
to see a wide line of trees stretching off in either direction as far as the
eye could see. The green looked somewhat duller than she had ever noticed. Her
eyes scanned down along the dry, cracked ground until she looked off into the
grey horizon.
She could see no sun penetrating this listless sky. This barren land
stretched on forever, receding into the dark clouds of the distant sky.
Although the colors here were far duller than those she had ever seen before,
the variations of grey stretched out across the sky were captivating to her.
She stood staring, unblinking into the bleak scenery before her. So this
was all there was beyond the Thick? This was the end of her mystery? She
attempted to look out to see what could be beyond where she could see. The
barrenness stretched on forever, and there looked as though there was nowhere
to gather food. No person could ever live here.
Still, it was something she had never seen before. Since she had
ventured here, she decided to sit for a time and stare off into the canvas of
grey clouds. The clouds receded into a stark, almost-white sky.
As another cold wind blew across the barren landscape before her, she
decided to head back, that she had seen this new place enough, at least for
now. It was still a wonder to see a place such as this, so devoid of growth or
green. As she stood, readying herself to return home, she saw movement off in
the distance. Somewhere far off in the horizon something was moving. She stared
off after it, wondering what could possibly be moving so far outside the
garden.
Had one of the animals wandered far away and was now returning home? She
decided to wait for it so they could return together. She could explain away
her absence, had it been noticed, by returning with a lost animal. So perhaps
she could return here again, unforbidden by her husband.
She waited, but as the creature drew nearer, it did not seem to resemble
any animal she had seen in the garden. It walked upright on two legs and had a
familiar shape she could not entirely place. As the creature drew nearer, it
appeared to have skin much the same color and texture as her own and long
flowing black hair.
She stood still until the creature was close enough to see fully. Arms
and legs, stomach, breast, and head. This creature seemed to be shaped like
herself and her husband. The shape made her think of her husband first since
she had only ever seen his entire body in full view. But she could clearly see
that the pieces more resembled her own.
The creature stood silently several paces away. She tried to think of
what to say to it but was not entirely sure it could talk. She held out a hand
gently and said hello in a soothing voice.
“I am no animal,” the creature replied.
The sound of the creature’s voice was frightening at first. It was a new
sound to a woman that came from a world of very few changes. This creature
looked to be closer to her husband’s height, who had always been taller than
her. Also the shape of the body, although curved very unlike her husband’s,
bore the same shape of muscle. She had always found her own body to be softer
and weaker due to her size, but upon seeing this creature before her, she
realized that the shape of body also had to do with it. It was difficult to
formulate conclusions without anything to compare them to.
The body was beautiful indeed to gaze upon and appealing to the eye.
Curves ended in sinew that gave this creature a lithe and strong appearance.
There was something exotic in its eyes and countenance as well. It seemed to be
eyeing her as well. At this realization, she suddenly felt timid.
“I am sorry, I have never seen anyone like you save my husband and
myself,” she replied, trying to sound friendly.
“Nor have I. It is strange indeed to see you. I have never seen a body
quite like yours,” the stranger stated matter-of-factly.
“Nor I yours,” she said in return.
“Are you called anything?” the stranger asked.
“I am called two things. Woman and Eve,” she replied.
The stranger looked at her narrowly. “I too am called two things. Woman
and Lilith.”
The two women eyed each other and looked each other over again.
Something tangible hung in the air between them. Something they could not
identify. They approached each other and touched each other, about the shoulder
and arm, in the manner that they had been accustomed to touching creatures of
the land.
It felt vaguely strange to be touched in the same way, and the two of
them paused and looked at each other again. This feeling lingering between the
two of them seemed so pleasing however, and they touched again. There was
comfort in it. The feeling of their warm skin against each other’s was soothing
amid the bleak landscape.
There was no boundary to cross and nothing to fear. They could see that
in each other’s eyes. They were of like creature, yet more so than they and
their husbands. They were so close to the same. They seemed to fit together
perfectly, their bodies intermingling and holding each other. They slowly and gently
explored each other’s bodies, with neither of them looking to dominate the
other.
The dark-haired woman moved her hand over the earth, and it became soft
and inviting, and the two women lay down together. And each took to the other’s
body, and each tended the other. Then they lay still, their bodies draped about
each other. Their hearts reverberated, each off of the other. A new sensation
had fallen over each of them. Eve, whose life held no surprises or excitement,
felt her mind spinning and spirit tugging at the confines of her flesh in the
arms of this new creature, this Lilith. In her she felt everything that she had
spent so long searching for.
As Lilith lay there, cradling Eve in her arms, she found the thing she
had never known she had been seeking.
Peace and comfort. In the arms of countless lovers in the realms beyond
the garden she had found excitement, pain, pleasure, euphoria, and many other
sensations that other humans would never fully comprehend in the passion of
creatures humanity would never meet. Yet here, back at the edge of the garden
that she had forsaken so long ago, she had found Eve. In Eve’s arms she
experienced a new sensation. Peace.
Eve’s arms held comfort and gentleness like she had never felt before.
Being here, intermingled with Eve, was like being home again in a way she had
never truly experienced. Pulling Eve’s body closer to her, tears began to fall
from her face.
Eve turned toward Lilith to see the tears and held a gentle hand to her
cheek.
“What is wrong with your eyes?” Eve asked, her face full of concern.
Lilith laughed softly to herself, realizing that Eve had never seen
tears.
“I call them tears. It was the only word that seemed right at the time.
They happen when you hurt on the inside in a way that won’t stop.”
Eve’s concern was mixed with confusion. “You are hurt right now?”
“No...” Lilith said softly. “I am happy. Perhaps it is the memory of
pain conflicted with what I feel now that brings me tears. Knowing that I have
yearned for this all along, knowing that it was so difficult to have...”
Eve had no words for reply. She simply stroked Lilith’s face soothingly.
The softness of Eve’s touch put her at ease. She closed her eyes and laid her
head against Eve. Next to Eve, all the confusion and misery of her existence
seemed to fade. There was no reason to dwell on such things while she had this.
Eve asked Lilith what lay in the expanse beyond the garden. In whispers
and stories, Lilith explained all the wonders she had seen. Demons, spirits of
the essences of life and the universe, immortal beings (who would later be
referred to as gods, when there were actually people around to worship them),
ifrit, djinn, and other creatures strange and wonderful that lived far away from
the garden. Eve listened in quiet awe at what existed outside the garden in
which she dwelt.
This was the mystery she had hoped for beyond the Thick. This is what
she was afraid she would never find. This was also far more than she had ever
expected. Having this other next to her filled her with fascinations
and desires she had never imagined
before this. The touch, the closeness, the mystery, the stories of the lands
beyond the garden. It was almost too much for her mind to fully absorb.
Then her thoughts drifted back to the familiar. The garden. The rivers
and trees and animals. Then her thoughts drifted back to her husband, to Man,
to Adam. Eve sat up, a terrible feeling welling up within her. She had been
given to Adam that they would be together. Lilith looked at her with confusion.
“What is wrong?” Lilith asked.
“My husband, Adam. I must return to him,” Eve responded with a new
hollowness to her voice.
Lilith stood, her eyes lit with anger. “Adam? Your husband is Adam? How
is this, how can it be?”
“I am of his flesh, brought here to be a mate for him in his work and
his loneliness,” Eve replied.
Lilith was dumbfounded for a moment. All sound had been sucked from the
air, and all the air from her chest. This creature before her had been created
by Jehovah for Adam? It seemed almost surreal in its cruelty. Lilith pressed
closed her eyes to keep back the shrieking anger within her. Ultimately, she
failed.
From her throat emitted a scream that was not altogether human, and full
of rage. It echoed off the barren ground, skipping off into the receding
distance, temporarily filling that emptiness with its crescendo. The sound
startled Eve with its suddenness and frightened her with its intensity. Never
in her life had she heard such a sound. It filled her with fear and yet
intrigued her. It was one more thing in this new place that she did not
understand.
“You.... know Adam?” Eve asked.
“Know him? He was my husband!” Lilith exclaimed.
Eve went silent. For moments that felt like little eternities, she
absorbed what Lilith had just said. Her voice was but a whisper when she
finally spoke, “How can that be? I was never told of you...”
“So they’ve kept you in the dark about all of this?” Eve’s silence
answered Lilith’s question. “I was created in unison with Adam. The two of us
were to watch over the garden and tend it together, he and I. Yet Adam somehow
expected subservience from me. That, I would never grant. He and I had been
created as equals, and I would accept nothing less. Adam became angry, and so
did I. In the end, I demanded to be released from Eden.”
“Demanded? Demanded from whom? Jehovah?”
“Yes.”
“How? How is such a thing possible?”
The air around Lilith seemed to grow still, and her presence seemed to
make her larger than she had appeared previously, as she stated simply, “I
learned his true name.”
Eve was silent, confused. Lilith continued.
“By learning his true name, I forced him to grant my request. My request
was to be given the means to leave Eden and traverse the lands beyond. In these
places I have learned how to exist alone. My search for knowledge and
understanding has kept me from contemplating loneliness.”
Lilith sighed, unsure of what else to say. From the creatures beyond the
garden she had learned how to exist alone, but not how to live. She had spent
so long exploring what lay beyond. The sensations and gathering
of knowledge had excited and
exhilarated her for so long. Yet this touch of the intimate, of the familiar,
something closer to her own soul than she had yet known in all her experiences,
this had brought her closer to her own heart than she had ever been. Here, she
had experienced love.
She looked over to see Eve staring into the barren earth. Eve’s mind was
a torrent of feelings that she did not fully understand. Despite her attempts
to try, the turbulence within her remained. She had to leave this other and
return to her own lands. Yet she felt guilty. Guilty for being here, guilty for
what she had done, and yet guiltier still for wanting to leave. But she had a
duty to her husband; she knew this to be true. It had been a foundation within
her from the beginning, since her eyes first opened. She was a help mate unto
him, and they tended the garden together.
“I still love him,” she said softly, though she would not face the
other.
“I know...” the dark-haired woman said, not facing Eve either.
“He will need me,” Eve said, if only to herself.
“Of that I am sure,” Lilith said with a scornful laugh. Then as though
she felt that she was supposed to say it, she asked, “Yet how do you know?”
“I... I see what he cannot,” she said, uncertain of what it truly meant
even as the words escaped her lips.
“That does not say much, Eve,” Lilith responded, with a wry expression.
“He does have a kind heart, Lilith, and he is wise. He cares for the
animals and the land. He loves Jehovah, and he loves me.”
“Adam and Jehovah are much alike,” Lilith said listlessly.
“Yes, yes, they are,” Eve responded, her voice going distant. Lilith
could sense the emptiness there. She knew it all too well.
“You do not have to go back,” she said flatly.
“Please, Lilith, do not make this any harder...” Eve said imploringly.
At this Lilith stood, looking at Eve incredulously. “Do you think any of
this has been easy for me?”
Eve felt stricken, filled with sudden regret for what she had just said.
Looking into Lilith’s eyes, she could see the pain and sorrow there. Such
things that Eve could see in her eyes, she did not even know had existed.
“I can only imagine what this has been like for you. I would not want
you to continue to be alone.”
“No,” Lilith spoke as all the air left her chest. Her voice was going
hollow. “I am decided.”
She was silent for a few moments more before continuing, “You must
return to the garden,” Lilith said as new resolution found her voice. Eve was
dumbfounded, feeling again unsure.
“But I want you to do one thing,” she continued.
“What can I do for you?” Eve
asked.
“There is a tree in the garden. You have been commanded not to eat of
it. I want you to think about why. There is a serpent, who knows much. Speak
with him if you become alone, or unsure. The serpent is wise,”
Lilith said.
Eve strode toward Lilith and took her in her arms. She held the soft
body against her, feeling comfort in it. Lilith kissed Eve’s forehead, their
fingers interlocked. Then at last, Lilith turned to head back into the receding
distance. After a few moments, Eve called out to her.
“Yes, Eve?” Lilith said, looking sidelong over her shoulder.
“I’ll miss you.”
